Posts tagged ‘Mindfulness’

Apr 1

How We Relate Predicts How we Meditate: Attachment Style is Linked to Mindfulness

During a recent trip to Los Angeles California, I was aroused from early morning slumber by an eerie sensation of movement. As the veil of sleep was pulled from my mind, I gradually registered the meaning of the shaking bed beneath me and the groaning structures above me: earthquake! A shot of prickly energy ripped through my gut and landed in my chest, quickening my heart. Adrenaline sharpened my senses and time seemed to slow as I instinctively made my way to the patio door. I looked out onto the street, half expecting to see creviced sidewalks and toppling buildings. Instead I saw people nonchalantly walking their dogs and sipping their morning coffee.

Despite the apparent banality of the event for local Angelenos, the earthquake was a hot topic at the airport among people unaccustomed to earth-shaking awakenings. As I waited for my flight, I found myself listening to a conversation between two newly-acquainted women.

The first woman excitedly asked the other, “Did you feel the earthquake this morning?” Leaving no room for a response, she went on, “Wasn’t that something! I mean, have you ever experienced such a thing? I didn’t know what to do – I jumped up and ran around in my nightie like a chicken with its head cut-off!”

The second woman, pulling back a bit from the shared space, cocked an eyebrow and flatly replied, “Didn’t bother me much really. This is L.A. after all – comes with the territory I suppose.” Shifting in her seat uneasily she scanned the terminal while drumming her fingers on the chair’s armrest, “Have you seen a trash can?”

The first woman took hold of the other woman’s arm, causing her coffee to quiver and nearly spill, “I just kept thinking, ‘What will I do if this hotel comes down around me? How will people find me? What will my husband do without me? I mean, he can barely make spaghetti!”

The second woman slowly unhinged her arm from the first and with a shrug said, “I guess if it’s your time, it’s your time.” Slipping out of the chair (and the conversation), she stood up and wandered away while casting a comment over her shoulder, “Never a trash can when you need one.”

As a social scientist, I was fascinated by this exchange. You might be wondering what we can possibly glean from this brief conversation between two strangers? Well, I believe that their interaction can tell us something about their attachment tendencies and their capacity for mindfulness. As it turns out, these two constructs, attachment and mindfulness, are linked by how a person expresses and regulates emotion. Let me explain.

Mar 24

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Coming Home to Precious Presence

Over a decade ago, in the early stages of my own process of awakening, a colleague intuitively noticed that I was having a particularly difficult day and suggested that I “try to stay in the present moment”. My mind was reeling, my emotions were on overdrive, and I’m sure I was focused on some temporary, self-destructive fix. He caught my frantic, darting eyes with his and gently implored, “Just try to be right here, in this moment, just as it is… being present for our own experience can be pretty cool.”

Needless to say, I really didn’t understand what he was talking about. I had heard about “transpersonal meditation” and “being in the now”. But these phrases typically brought to mind images of bald guys in flowing robes chanting “Ooooommmm” in a remote hill-top monastery. These notions, naïve as they were, seemed to be completely at odds with my hectic, restless, and discontented existence at the time. I remember thinking, “Who has time for the present moment?!”

As I progressed in my self-reclamation journey, I began to recognize that my incessant running from the-here-and-now was associated with tremendous suffering. The constant busyness and perpetual mind-motion was probably meant to fill some void within myself. Yet, despite my frenetic void-filling behaviors, I still felt a lot of emptiness inside. Eventually, the pain of my situation was enough that I decided to try something different; I got curious about what I was running from and what it would be like to stay with my own experience.

I didn’t know it at the time, but this simple inquiry – “what is really here and can I be with it” – has been at the heart of various contemplative traditions for thousands of years. Within the traditions of Buddhism, a style of meditation practice known as vipassana involves training the mind to have greater awareness or insight of bodily sensations, thoughts, and emotions. Today, this type of practice is generally known as mindfulness and can be defined as “bringing attention to the present moment without judgment.” In recent decades, numerous scientific studies have shown that mindfulness techniques can improve relationships, health, and general wellbeing.

Mar 10

Paying Attention to Rising Waters

Alongside green acres of alfalfa, a twisting river cut through the farmland on which I spent much of my formative years. In the summers, after the chores were done, my friends and I would spend hours on the river swimming, skipping rocks and catching fish. (At this point in the story, you may be tempted to whistle the theme song to “The Andy Griffith Show”… but I must protest – I’m not that old. If you’ve never heard of that show… well then, maybe I am that old!)

The water level on the river was controlled by an upstream dam, according to the needs of the farmers in the valley. At times, we could cross the river without getting our shorts wet. But at other times, the river would swell quickly, creating swift currents and daunting whirlpools under the river’s main bridge. These whirlpools were something of legend and lore among children in the area – there were wild stories of men, women, children, and even animals disappearing into these whirlpools, never to surface again.

One lazy summer afternoon, my friend and I were floating downstream on driftwood logs that we found on the shore. We were so busy talking and splashing that we failed to notice that the river was rising rapidly. In fact, by the time we became aware of the water’s alarming elevation, we were already moving downstream at a pretty good clip. Fear washed over both of us as we realized that the now-turbulent currents were too strong for us to leave the relative safety of our driftwood and make it to shore before reaching the whirlpools. Without saying a word to each other, we both decided to ride it out. Read more

Jul 24

Political Mindfulness: Casting a Vote While Maintaining Serenity

One of the most desirable fruits of the recovery process is a greater sense of serenity and peace. Yet, for those who are recovering from addiction and trauma, each day can bring challenges, both large and small, to one’s sense of serenity. Encountering opinions that are different from our own, especially when they bring our own values and beliefs into question, can certainly stir powerful emotions and threaten our serenity.

In the United States, we are nearing the end of a long political season, yet the grueling presidential election process is bound to bring even more opportunities for personal and interpersonal friction. Nevertheless, it is important that we remain involved in the political process and take part in civic duties. The question is do we let politics rob us of our serenity? And if our intention is to maintain serenity, how do we go about doing that?

Recently, I was faced with this very question when I received a politically charged email from an acquaintance. Fortunately, in that moment, I found just enough space and serenity to write my feelings down (instead of shooting off my mouth). My own political views and those of the email’s author are not important, no matter where we stand on the political spectrum we will face moments when our serenity is challenged. Here is my written response in the moment that my serenity was on the line:

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Apr 24

Living in the Present – One Moment at a Time

Recovery programs are replete with catchy little quotes and sage-like sayings, but perhaps none of them are used more often than the time-honored phrase: “One day at a time.” Have you ever wondered why people struggling with addictive behaviors find it necessary to remind each other to take recovery one day at a time? (Some go as far as saying: “One moment at time.”) Wouldn’t it make more sense to actually use our highly evolved neocortex to construct a comprehensive, future-oriented plan for recovery and healing? After all, how can a person reach a desired destination or accomplish a goal without considering several days, weeks, or even years at a time?

As it turns out, people recovering from addiction aren’t the only ones who need to be reminded to take life one moment at a time. By in large, modern humans are addicted to “future-tripping” (one of those catchy little terms used in our recovery program). Most of us spend large swaths of our days, stuck in our thoughts, trying to plan, control, and manage our lives. The human brain naturally fixates on what is wrong, both in ourselves and others, and then ruminates and perseverates on how to avoid the unpleasant what-ifs that haven’t yet materialized. This unrelenting mental chatter is often coupled with a pervasive sense of discontent, as if we are waiting for something else to happen so that we can finally be fulfilled. We habitually lean into the future, hoping that the next moment will contain what this moment does not.

This is not to say that we should all get lobotomies and retreat to the nearest cave to live in solitary present-momentness. After all, critical thinking and future planning are important survival skills in this complex, fast-paced world. Our rational, thinking mind is not the enemy, but if left untrained, it can be a demanding taskmaster instead of a loyal servant. Through various contemplative practices, we discover that the brain is also capable of deep, non-conceptual awareness of the mind and body, other living creatures (including people), and the natural world around us. Many have found that this present-moment awareness can bring a profound sense of contentment and joy. Read more