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Posts tagged ‘Self-Compassion’

Apr 13

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Healing Past Relational Trauma with Wholehearted Presence

The swirling busyness and restless energy settled and a profound stillness permeated the room, enveloping the group like a soft feather blanket. Sitting in silence and sensing the body was unfamiliar territory for most of the two-dozen workshop participants.  After all, for many of them, the body had long-been associated with shame, self-judgment, discomfort, and trauma.  Yet, there they were, courageously bringing compassionate awareness to their embodied experience, one moment at a time.  Opening to the life that had been refused, again and again, until that moment.¹

This is a description of the first day of the first REAC²H workshop, which was conducted with a group of female survivors of childhood maltreatment.  REAC²H is an acronym that stands for Restoring Embodied Awareness, Compassionate Connection, and Hope.  It is an innovative approach to healing past relational trauma by cultivating present-moment awareness and self-compassion.  The workshop was designed by Dr. Jon G. Caldwell, DO, PhD after years of research and clinical work in the fields of traumatology, attachment theory, affective neuroscience, and contemplative practices.

The REAC²H workshop was specifically designed to help individuals who have experienced “relational trauma”, which encompasses various kinds of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse that occur in the context of close relationships.  Relational trauma has meaningful effects on the attachment system – an innate, biological system that facilitates interpersonal connection to adaptively shape human development.  Thus, relational trauma and the resulting disturbances in attachment can have profound effects on a person’s developmental trajectory across the lifespan.

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Apr 1

How We Relate Predicts How we Meditate: Attachment Style is Linked to Mindfulness

During a recent trip to Los Angeles California, I was aroused from early morning slumber by an eerie sensation of movement.  As the veil of sleep was pulled from my mind, I gradually registered the meaning of the shaking bed beneath me and the groaning structures above me: earthquake!  A shot of prickly energy ripped through my gut and landed in my chest, quickening my heart.  Adrenaline sharpened my senses and time seemed to slow as I instinctively made my way to the patio door.  I looked out onto the street, half expecting to see creviced sidewalks and toppling buildings.  Instead I saw people nonchalantly walking their dogs and sipping their morning coffee.

Despite the apparent banality of the event for local Angelenos, the earthquake was a hot topic at the airport among people unaccustomed to earth-shaking awakenings. As I waited for my flight, I found myself listening to a conversation between two newly-acquainted women.

The first woman excitedly asked the other, “Did you feel the earthquake this morning?” Leaving no room for a response, she went on, “Wasn’t that something! I mean, have you ever experienced such a thing? I didn’t know what to do – I jumped up and ran around in my nightie like a chicken with its head cut-off!”

The second woman, pulling back a bit from the shared space, cocked an eyebrow and flatly replied, “Didn’t bother me much really. This is L.A. after all – comes with the territory I suppose.” Shifting in her seat uneasily she scanned the terminal while drumming her fingers on the chair’s armrest, “Have you seen a trash can?”

The first woman took hold of the other woman’s arm, causing her coffee to quiver and nearly spill, “I just kept thinking, ‘What will I do if this hotel comes down around me? How will people find me? What will my husband do without me? I mean, he can barely make spaghetti!”

The second woman slowly unhinged her arm from the first and with a shrug said, “I guess if it’s your time, it’s your time.” Slipping out of the chair (and the conversation), she stood up and wandered away while casting a comment over her shoulder, “Never a trash can when you need one.”

As a social scientist, I was fascinated by this exchange. You might be wondering what we can possibly glean from this brief conversation between two strangers? Well, I believe that their interaction can tell us something about their attachment tendencies and their capacity for mindfulness. As it turns out, these two constructs, attachment and mindfulness, are linked by how a person expresses and regulates emotion. Let me explain.

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Mar 24

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Coming Home to Precious Presence

Over a decade ago, in the early stages of my own process of awakening, a colleague intuitively noticed that I was having a particularly difficult day and suggested that I “try to stay in the present moment”.  My mind was reeling, my emotions were on overdrive, and I’m sure I was focused on some temporary, self-destructive fix.  He caught my frantic, darting eyes with his and gently implored, “Just try to be right here, in this moment, just as it is… being present for our own experience can be pretty cool.”

Needless to say, I really didn’t understand what he was talking about.  I had heard about “transpersonal meditation” and “being in the now”.  But these phrases typically brought to mind images of bald guys in flowing robes chanting “Ooooommmm” in a remote hill-top monastery.  These notions, naïve as they were, seemed to be completely at odds with my hectic, restless, and discontented existence at the time.  I remember thinking, “Who has time for the present moment?!”

As I progressed in my self-reclamation journey, I began to recognize that my incessant running from the-here-and-now was associated with tremendous suffering.  The constant busyness and perpetual mind-motion was probably meant to fill some void within myself.  Yet, despite my frenetic void-filling behaviors, I still felt a lot of emptiness inside.  Eventually, the pain of my situation was enough that I decided to try something different; I got curious about what I was running from and what it would be like to stay with my own experience.

I didn’t know it at the time, but this simple inquiry – “what is really here and can I be with it” – has been at the heart of various contemplative traditions for thousands of years.  Within the traditions of Buddhism, a style of meditation practice known as vipassana involves training the mind to have greater awareness or insight of bodily sensations, thoughts, and emotions.  Today, this type of practice is generally known as mindfulness and can be defined as “bringing attention to the present moment without judgment.”  In recent decades, numerous scientific studies have shown that mindfulness techniques can improve relationships, health, and general wellbeing.

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Jun 4

Practicing Boundaries without Armoring the Heart

Life seems to offer plenty of opportunities to practice boundaries!  Whether it is in our relationships with family and friends or at the grocery store check-out line, we have many chances to decide if, when and in what ways information and people can be part of our lives.  Maintaining healthy boundaries is widely considered a fundamental aspect of the recovery process and an important practice for general well-being.  However, without a measure of thoughtful awareness, boundaries can inadvertently create walls around our heart, keeping us from connecting wholeheartedly with ourselves and others.

At The Meadows we often talk about two kinds of personal boundaries: external and internal.  An external boundary has to do with monitoring and regulating the quantity and quality of other people’s interactions with us.  An external boundary is sometimes considered a physical boundary because it deals with how much closeness we allow between ourselves and others.  This degree of space between us and others can be related to actual physical proximity and contact or it can be related to emotional closeness and intimacy. Read more